A few nights before the shooting, Dahlia and Steve shared a joint, drank beer, and laughed hard over a Steve Martin skit on Saturday Night Live. The kids, an eight year old son named Jonathan, and a six year old daughter named Emily, had gone to bed hours before. This was Dahlia’s and Steve’s time alone together. After nine years, they still enjoyed each other’s company.
Dahlia and Steve met at a party during Dahlia’s final year of a combination bachelor’s and master’s degree program in recreation at the University of Rhode Island. Steve had dropped out of college after two years, trained to be an auto mechanic, and had a good paying job at a garage in Cranston when he and Dahlia met. At the party where they met, Steve flirted with Dahlia by sweeping her into a dance. Dahlia had never danced with a man before, but Steve led her easily. Dahlia also hadn’t smoked anything and hadn’t drunk much alcohol before they met.
On graduation, Dahlia had a job as assistant director of a YMCA branch in Warwick. She had been seeing Steve regularly since they met and when she was a year into the job, they got married. Steve invested in a two family house on a tree lined street in Cranston and fixed it up so that the second family’s rent covered the mortgage payments. They jointly owned everything, but Steve was the decision maker.
Within another year, Dahlia was pregnant. Steve convinced her to quit her job and just take care of the house and child. Dahlia’s job was stressful, and she didn’t get along with her supervisor, so she was glad to be able to stay at home, but was uncomfortable being dependent on her husband. He remained affectionate, even passionate, and entertaining. Dahlia gained weight and worried that Steve would lose his attraction to her, but their relationship didn’t change.
Dahlia read in the news that divorces were outpacing marriages, and it seemed all of their married friends were getting divorces. Family life wasn’t in fashion, but Dahlia lived for the times with Steve and their son and later their daughter. She was always relieved when Steve went with her and the kids on shopping trips and recreational outings. He seemed as enthusiastic as Dahlia about those things, although Dahlia was afraid that he might turn out to be too hip to remain a family man.
The Wednesday following that Steve Martin skit on Saturday Night Live, the electricity went off in the two-family house in Cranston. Dahlia took the wash to a laundromat in a different neighborhood. There she witnessed through the windows of the laundromat a shootout in the street. It happened quickly and then two black sedans with tinted windows drove off in opposite directions.
Another woman in the laundromat who also witnessed the shootout said to Dahlia, “Organized crime. They sell dope to children, run prostitution rings, and kill each other off over their customers. Even the police are bought out or cowed. Nothing will ever be done about it.”
That night, the electricity back on, Dahlia and Steve listened to Crosby, Stills, and Nash after the kids were in bed. Steve started to roll a joint.
Dahlia said, “I’m not going to toke anymore.”
Steve’s hand paused. “What?”
“I said, I’m not going to toke anymore.”
“I heard you the first time. Why not? Is it your religion? You insist on taking the kids to that Lutheran church. Do we have irreconcilable differences?
Dahlia sat facing Steve. “I saw a shootout today. Organized crime. The police didn’t even question the witnesses. Our kids are going to be in junior high school before long, and I don’t want them to have anything to do with illicit drugs. I want to be a good role model for them and for them to be independent of the herd instinct.”
Steve stormed out of the house but came back an hour later.
He said, “The same friend who referred me to a dealer for weed referred me to my job. You and the kids are more important to me than dope. If you stop smoking pot, I will too. I just don’t know what the consequences will be, you know? I don’t have the right kind of social network.”
Dahlia said, “The kids are in school now. I could go back to work if need be.”
Steve embraced Dahlia. “It probably won’t come to that.”
LZ Short Stories 
Laurie, I thought your “Dahlia” story on your blog looked promising. I thought the first sentence was intriguing.I found your narrative a little confusing. The story opens with their having children and living together, but then the narrative is about the party when they met. A lot of basic background is included in that paragraph. They buy a house, which you call a two-family house (is that a duplex?) I haven’t heard the term two-family house, but know duplex and triplex. You rely a lot on sort of listing what happened to Dahlia and Steve, as if it’s a to-do list with no details. Some dialogue, especially as Dahlia gets pregnant and later gets concerned about divorce, would be helpful. Readers can’t get involved in a narrative that is just “this happened, then that happened.” Give plot angles enough time and details to make an interesting story. This couple needs to talk. I don’t see much intimacy between them, except for creating children, apparently without any difficulties. Give them some dialogue to help develop who they are and what is happening in their lives. Steve challenges Dahlia about her religion (Lutheran, which is a major Protestant denomination). What is his religion? Marijuana? Is this how the story ends? I would prefer more “closure.” I think you’ve got a workable story; it just needs more interesting details and dialogue to keep it going.
I’ll see you virtually tomorrow night.
Hal
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Thank you for reading and the feedback, Hal. It’s helpful. In the future I hope to solicit feedback before posting.
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