Magnitude

When I think of the word magnitude, I think of earthquakes. I’ve never actually lived in an area that was prone to earthquakes, but I have nightmares of losing everyone close to me and everything dear to me in an earthquake.

So when my boss, Janine Saunders, told me, “The magnitude of your good work is astounding,” I tried to hide my impulse to cringe.

Anyway, she usually doesn’t talk like that. It sounded completely unnatural for her to use those words. Is that even correct word usage? I don’t know. I do know the company has been bought out, and people are going to be laid off, and no matter how good my work is, nothing is certain. I never thought of my work to be anything other than average.

I’m in the administration of a heating and air conditioning business. Administration is considered by many to be useless and a waste of money to begin with. I have a college degree, but I would feel more valuable if I installed and did maintenance instead.

What else could I do? Take up welding, go back to school and train to be a nurse? That doesn’t sound or feel like me. I like putting things in order, looking at the numbers, being a customer service rep. That is what I’ve been doing for eight years. If you asked me what I thought I’d be doing five years from now, I’d have said exactly what I’m doing now.

I’m single, have no children, nor anyone dependent on me. My life could have gone on indefinitely as it has, but I’d have no legacy. I do mundane work, have beer with friends on Friday nights, do housekeeping and binge watch streaming videos on weekends. My friendships don’t run as deep as they did before I graduated.

Time flies and I have nothing to show for it or feel for it.